I have a lot on my mind right now.
Maybe this covid thingy has taken a toll on me.
I am stressed out. I hate going to work, but I hate doing nothing at home as well. I feel like I am no longer happy as how I used to be.
Everything seems boring to me.
Can you imagine this feeling? Where you constantly crave for attention, but kind of hate it when people give you attention? I know it sounds complicated but that’s just how I constantly feel at the moment. I mean, I do not hate all of the attention, I hate some of it. I only want to talk to some people, and when other people (whom I am not really fond of at the moment) wants to start conversation with me, I feel annoyed.
I want this to be over as soon as possible. I want to go out without thinking about the virus that might hit me if i am not being cautious. Well, even if I am being 100% cautious, it can still infect me if Allah has planned it. But being infected, knowing that you’ve been cautious and taking prevention measures are better than doing nothing.
Even if I do not go out that often before, but still, knowing that the virus is still around is such a bummer. I want to go out and meet my friends whenever I want to. I want to go back to my hometown every month. I want to spend my weekend watching movie at the cinema. I want to go out without wearing a mask. I want to travel. I want to enjoy my life.
I am complaining, only because I feel so stressed out at the moment. Some might see me like my usual self, but deep down, I am not.
I feel lonely, eventhough I have my family.
I feel lonely, eventhough I have friends at work that I can talk to as we see each other almost everyday.
I feel lonely, eventhough I have my other friends that I can always call and talk about my problems.
I feel lonely, watching other people living their lives happily.
Can this broken heart be fixed?
I pray everyday. I read the Quran.
But why do I still feel lonely?